It's probably nothing...

This woman is ferocious


I have a confession to make. I have been worried because I feel very differently about Noel than I did Chase during this stage of babyhood. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing because Chase made me feel totally anxious 24/7, but in that anxiety there was another feeling of what I can only describe as "mama bear". By that I mean just an intense desire to protect at all costs that I literally felt as an emotion. In all likelyhood there are several reasons to feel different this time around. I don't have all those pesky pregnancy hormones remaining in my blood stream, Noel doesn't have reflux and therefore does not scream constantly, and he is the 2nd child, giving me a sense of confidence because number 1 and I have come this far relatively unscathed.
Don't get me wrong, I love him and he has been MINE since we got that phone call Christmas morning. I just didn't feel that raw intensity like the first time around. Notice I said didn't. Noel's birth mother, was adamant that the biological father not be identified or contacted, she only gave our attorney his first name and mentioned he was in jail. Because our lawyer is very good at what she does and legally needs to leave no stone unturned, she was able to do some sluthing and make a good guess at the bio father's identity. Turns out she guessed correctly and he was given a legal notice that his rights were being terminated.
Last night I received a call from the birth mother who was absolutely distraught he had been contacted. She had led him to believe the pregnancy was terminated and had adamantly expressed her unwillingness to name him to our attorney. She was not angry at Chris or I but asked me to have our attorney call her. I did as she asked. The necessity of contacting him was explained to her, but I don't think that made her feel any better. I know that this was the best thing for us because if he were to find out later he could make a case to get Noel back, but I just feel really bad for the birth mom. I don't know what they were, but she definitely had her reasons for not telling him. This has had to be so hard for her and I feel like it just got even harder.
It is likely a good thing the bio father was found at this stage in the process, but it scares the hell out of me. This is the first hiccup we have experienced in this process. Our attorney assures us that this is not a problem and even if he wanted to legitimate he would have to prove he would be a better parent than we are. No easy task from a prison cell.
So, it's probably nothing, but...the mama bear is back. I am trying not to worry and put my trust in God, but worrying is my nature and apparently so is that inherent need to protect MY children at all costs.